In a world that frequently rewards extroversion, speed, and visibility, the concept of quiet confidence can feel countercultural. Social norms have long celebrated the person who speaks the loudest, commands the room, and accumulates attention like currency. But beneath the surface of performative bravado lies another kind of confidence—one that doesn’t need to be announced to exist. It’s the kind that doesn’t depend on external validation or applause. It’s the resilience to keep going without recognition, the courage to speak honestly even when it’s uncomfortable, and the inner strength to remain grounded in your own truth. This quieter, deeper confidence is something cultivated over time—through solitude, struggle, growth, and clarity. It’s the quiet decision to choose purpose over popularity. For many like LaShonda Herndon, this inner confidence becomes a way of moving through life with integrity, grace, and unshakable strength.
Redefining the Image of Confidence
Society has long imposed a narrow image of what confidence should look like. We’re conditioned to equate it with being the loudest voice in the room, the person who constantly seeks the spotlight, or the one who always seems to have it all together. But that view is both incomplete and, at times, damaging. It encourages a false sense of bravado, one that often masks insecurity rather than revealing real strength. True confidence isn’t about dominating others or proving yourself to anyone—it’s about being at peace with who you are, regardless of how others perceive you.
When confidence is rooted in performance, it’s fragile. It rises and falls with praise, attention, and the fleeting approval of others. But when it’s rooted in inner awareness and self-respect, it becomes unbreakable. Redefining confidence means allowing space for quiet determination, for the calm voice that stands firm in conviction, and for the individual who doesn’t need external noise to know their own worth. This redefinition is especially powerful because it allows more people to see themselves as confident, even if their style doesn’t fit the conventional mold.
Imagine the freedom of knowing you don’t need to impress anyone. Imagine the empowerment of waking up each day knowing that your voice matters—even if you choose to speak softly. That’s the essence of quiet confidence: it’s not about visibility, but about authenticity. It’s not about projecting strength, but about embodying it.
The Foundation: Knowing Yourself
Building a confident foundation starts with self-awareness—an honest, often uncomfortable journey inward. It requires asking deep, reflective questions and being willing to listen to the answers without judgment. Who am I when no one is watching? What values define me? Where do I draw my strength from? These questions open the door to knowing yourself beyond the surface roles you play—student, partner, parent, professional—and into the realm of identity that cannot be taken away.
This self-knowledge doesn’t come from reading self-help books or taking personality tests alone. It is born from lived experience, introspection, and, often, from making mistakes. You learn about your resilience not by avoiding hardship but by walking through it and realizing you’re still standing. You discover your values by watching what you’re willing to fight for. You uncover your truth by facing your fears head-on and surviving the aftermath.
The more in tune you are with your inner world, the less rattled you become by external noise. You begin to notice when something doesn’t align with your values, and instead of adjusting yourself to fit it, you step away. That’s not ego—it’s self-respect. And the more you choose self-respect, the deeper your inner confidence grows.
Confidence built on self-awareness isn’t flashy. It’s subtle but profound. It manifests in quiet moments of alignment, in steady commitment to your principles, and in the strength to stand alone when necessary. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being present with yourself, flaws and all, and knowing that your value isn’t dependent on how others perceive you.
The Strength in Softness
Softness is often misinterpreted as weakness, especially in cultures that idolize toughness, control, and stoicism. But real strength often comes wrapped in softness. Compassion, empathy, gentleness—these qualities require deep emotional maturity and a firm sense of self. To be soft in a world that tells you to be hard is a radical act of confidence. It says, “I don’t need to armor up to be powerful. I can be open and strong at the same time.”
Softness is what allows you to remain human in difficult situations. It helps you connect with others on a deeper level, fostering trust and understanding. But softness also demands boundaries. Being gentle doesn’t mean being passive. It doesn’t mean allowing others to take advantage of your kindness. In fact, one of the most profound expressions of strength is knowing when to walk away from situations that dishonor your values.
When you allow yourself to be soft, you also allow yourself to be real. And being real is the essence of confidence. It takes courage to show your true emotions, to be vulnerable, to say, “I don’t know,” or “I need help.” These admissions don’t make you weak—they make you human. And embracing your humanity, with all its contradictions and complexities, is one of the strongest things you can do.
Boundaries That Build Strength
Boundaries are more than just rules—they are expressions of self-love and clarity. They communicate what you will and will not accept, not out of anger or defensiveness, but out of respect for your own wellbeing. Setting boundaries can be challenging, especially for those who have been taught to equate their worth with how much they give to others. But learning to say no is one of the most powerful tools for building confidence.
It’s in the setting and honoring of boundaries that we affirm our own value. Each time you say, “This doesn’t work for me,” you reinforce your belief that your voice matters. Each time you walk away from a situation that depletes you, you remind yourself that your energy is sacred. Over time, these small moments accumulate into a powerful inner narrative: I am worth protecting.
Boundaries also teach others how to treat you. When you show up consistently in your truth, people begin to respect that truth—even if they don’t agree with it. And those who don’t? They fall away, creating space for deeper, more aligned connections to enter your life. This pruning is painful at times, but necessary for growth. The confidence that grows from honoring your limits is the kind that sustains you through life’s inevitable storms.
Shedding the Comparison Trap
It’s nearly impossible to talk about confidence without addressing the impact of comparison. In the age of social media, we are inundated with curated images of success, beauty, and happiness. We measure our progress against someone else’s highlight reel and wonder why we feel like we’re falling short. But the truth is, comparison is a thief. It steals joy, it clouds judgment, and it erodes the foundation of self-belief.
To build lasting confidence, you have to detach from the need to compete. That doesn’t mean giving up ambition or desire—it means rooting your ambition in your own goals, not someone else’s life. When you stop trying to outrun others and start focusing on your own pace, everything changes. You begin to see your progress more clearly. You begin to define success on your own terms. You begin to appreciate the uniqueness of your path.
This shift isn’t always easy. It takes discipline to turn inward when the world urges you to look outward. But the rewards are profound. You begin to live from a place of abundance rather than scarcity. You celebrate others without questioning your own worth. And in doing so, you create a life that feels genuinely fulfilling, not just impressive to others.
The Presence That Anchors Confidence
True confidence is not an event—it is a state of being. And that state is grounded in presence. Being present means tuning into your thoughts, your emotions, and your environment without judgment. It means showing up for your life as it is, not as you wish it were. This kind of presence builds resilience because it allows you to respond to life, rather than react from fear or anxiety.
When you are fully present, you are able to make choices that align with your deepest values. You notice when you’re slipping into people-pleasing or self-doubt. You catch yourself when you’re about to betray your own boundaries. And because you are paying attention, you are able to course correct in real time. This responsiveness creates a sense of internal control, which is one of the key ingredients of confidence.
Presence also quiets the mind. When you are truly here, in the moment, the noise of comparison and judgment fades. You are no longer performing—you are simply being. And in that state, your worth is no longer up for debate. It just is.
Leading Yourself with Grace
Confidence isn’t about perfection. It’s about grace. It’s about how you treat yourself when you fall short, when you fail, when you say the wrong thing, or miss the mark. It’s about the inner voice that says, “It’s okay. We’ll try again tomorrow.” That voice—compassionate, steady, and kind—is what allows confidence to flourish.
Grace means forgiving yourself for past mistakes. It means releasing the need to be flawless. It means choosing love over shame, again and again. And in doing so, you build a relationship with yourself that is unshakeable. You become your own safe haven, your own biggest supporter, your own guide.
This doesn’t mean avoiding accountability—it means holding yourself accountable with love. It means learning from your missteps without defining yourself by them. It means trusting that even in your imperfection, you are enough.
A Confidence That Endures
Confidence built on performance will always need an audience. But confidence built from within—through self-awareness, boundaries, softness, and presence—endures. It doesn’t falter when the applause stops. It doesn’t shatter under criticism. It remains steady because it’s not built on how you appear, but on who you are.
Let your strength be quiet. Let it grow in the stillness of your heart. Let it guide you in every decision, every boundary, every bold step you take. You don’t need to be loud to be powerful. You only need to be true.